Author: craptasticweb

19 year old with too many things to say and not enough words to say it. not to mention, not enough talent to do so either.

What have you got to lose?

The end of a relationship..
Funny thing to think of..
When you realise
That you always end up worse off,
That it doesn’t affect the other person as much as it does you,
That no matter who you think of or what kind of relationship it is(was?),
It’s always you.
The one that lost the most.
The one with the most to lose.
The one that’s always losing.
But you go on, you start again, hope again,
And have it all happen again.

How tiring.

How so very tiring.

I wish

I wish I was a no one, a nobody,
With nothing holding me back, nothing holding me down,
Nothing stopping me from escaping, from choosing to leave,
From being who I want to be,
From loving, from living, from dying.
I wish I could clear my slate, erase my life,
start over, end it,
Be okay.
I wish I could forget, escape, restart,
Stop.
I wish I didn’t have to.

Strip

​Strip me of my clothes, of my skin, of my soul.
Strip me of my eyes, of my body, of my mind.
And I will be me, I will be you, I will be the world;
Naked and empty and nothing.

Because I am all that matters and all that doesn’t,
I am everything within me and everything beyond.
Because I am so much a part of the universe as I am myself;
Naked and empty and nothing.

I am the sun, the moon, and space.
I am a planet, a star, a galaxy.
I am infinite, unfathomable, absolute.
I am alive, dying, and dead.

But I am.
And that is something.

Nothing

Emptiness suffocates me.
All these feelings of nothing are so overwhelming and I can’t breathe.

I have nothing to complain about.
Nothing.
But everything bothers me.
Nothing weighs down on me waiting to be lifted,
And that nothing suffocates me.
Nothing kills me.
Nothing makes me feel
like everything is pointless.
There’s nothing to be happy about.
Or sad. Or anything at all, really.
What are feelings?
I seem to have none.
Nothing’s the problem.
Cannot breathe,
Cannot think,
Cannot explain.Nothing to explain really.

Everything is okay.

Let me begin with the letter ‘Y’

Let me begin with the letter ‘Y’
As in ‘you’ :
because you were so very important.
As in ‘yes’ :
because that seemed to always be my answer.
As in ‘yearn’ :
because of things I didn’t let myself have.
As in ‘years’ :
because I wasted them on you.
And as in ‘why’
because I had to ask so often, I lost the answers.

Why not the letter ‘I’?
As in ‘idiot’ :
because, unfortunately, I was.
As in ‘ignorant’ :
because I’d let myself be.
As in ‘ignored’ :
because, despite everything, I had been.
As in ‘important’ :
because I realised too late that I am.
And as in ‘me’ :
because maybe, sometimes, I should put myself first.

Maybe, sometimes, I should begin with the letter ‘I’.

Cravings

​I crave being alive.
I crave happiness. sadness. fearlessness.
I crave to be understood. to be heard. to be listened to.
I crave to understand. to listen. to be spoken to.

I crave love.
I crave the sun. the stars. the moon.
I crave to feel. to want. to desire.
I crave to be felt. to be wanted. to be desired.

I crave to be enough.
for myself. for me. for me. for me.
I crave to exist.